2nd January 2012 - Day 322 - Ingratitude

G'day Friends,

Today was my 37th birthday, and that has paled in comparison to the lesson that I've learned today, and will hopefully be able to keep in the front of my mind.

Today, after my mother went to the supermarket to buy a few things for my birthday picnic, and struggled most of the way home before I finally made it out to help her carry the groceries home (she'd called me from 4 blocks away), she had bought vastly more than I'd imagined that she would, including a cake in the shape of a puppy dog for my birthday, party hats and balloons.

Not even realising how selfish I was being I decided that we weren't taking the cake to the picnic because it would be too much drama to carry down.  I was feeling a little bit annoyed that she'd attempted to hijack my simple picnic with a cake and such, making it far more formal than I had planned, and making me feel a little bit awkward.

Then, while we were there, she wanted us to have balloons and party hats, and I was completely set against it, refusing to blow up balloons or wear the hats, thinking that this was a silly thing to do.

Then after we came home to my apartment, we had a bit of a chat, and after a mild disagreement Mum melted some chocolate that was in the fridge and dipped some strawberries in it for me.  The chocolate didn't work very well having been melted in the microwave, so I refused any more than one, also being a little bit cranky still.

A little while afterward, Mum was really upset and said, "nothing I do is right is it?".  She wasn't trying to martyr herself, she actually felt that she couldn't do anything right for me, when in fact I am the one doing the wrong thing in not appreciating what she does do for me!

I can't believe what a complete arse I've made of myself! Here she went out of her way, spending money on her credit card to buy me extra food for my birthday picnic, and a birthday cake, and I couldn't even see my way to find the gratitude to take the cake to my picnic.  Then she tries to make my birthday a little bit of fun, and I crush her spirit with an "I'm too mature for this stuff" attitude, and finally, she tries to do something simple and nice with the strawberries, and instead of enjoying the generosity of the act, I complain about the quality of the chocolate! What a douche-bag.  How could I not see each of this things for the generous action that it was, and instead find the inconvenience in it!

But, something good comes from every situation, and on this occasion I have been shown exactly how callous I've become towards one of the people that I love the most, and how ungrateful I have become to all of the little things that my friends and family do for me.  At least now that I'm aware of it, I can try to focus on the little things that people do for me, and appreciate them, rather than taking all the love that is handed to me for granted and treating those people with the contempt that I feel I have been.

I hope that 2012 can be a year in which I transform myself into a much better person, and one that makes the people around me feel appreciated and loved.

Well, that's about all I have to say for today, everything else is a little unimportant compared to this personal realisation, so I'll sign off for now and I hope that you are all enjoying your new year, and that you can take from this at least a little more appreciation for the people in your own lives to whom you might not show the appreciation that they deserve.

Cheers,

Howie..

1st January 2012 - Day 321 - New Years Day, the last day of 36 and Centrepoint Tower

G'day Friends,

Well, another year has begun, which means that it is the last day of me being 36 years old.  It's been a great festive season in my world.  Since my last post, I've been to Queensland for Christmas with my Mother, older Brother and his 2 sons, my Cousin and her partner and son and the pets.

I headed to our house in Toogoom, Qld on the 19th December, and arrived to a very stressed Mummy Shirl, not coping very well at all with having to share her home (which has been her domain, and hers alone, for over a decade).  While in some ways, I'm certain that she enjoys having my brother Gaz and his boys there, in most ways, I think it's causing her so much stress that she's in a virtual perpetual bad mood, and making life difficult for both her and my brother and his boys......throw into that mix my cousin Div, her partner and their extremely demanding and under-disciplined 8yo son, and you can imagine how that's working out!

On the up side, we did manage to have a very nice family Christmas.  The kids seemed to enjoy the day, and the adult kids seemed to have a fairly decent day also, which is what Christmas should be about.  In the modern standard (ie: mildly dysfunctional) family, I think that the minor bickering that we had on the day was pretty well kept to a minimum, and we all had a reasonably good day.  Here are a few pictures from the visit to Toogoom/Christmas.

Toogoom Beach (tide out)

Gary, Mark

Kane, Divinia, Mummy Shirl,

Josh and Shane

on Christmas Morning :) 

Kane, Div, Gaz & Mum on Christmas morning 

Gaz, Div, Merrie-Ann and Mum on Boxing Day 

Sunset over the Lake (as viewed from our back yard in Toogoom, Qld) 

Ego the cat, sleeping off Christmas Lunch. 

Sailor the papillon on Boxing Day. 

Negative mention to my cousin's partner who got far too drunk, got into an argument with Mummy Shirl later in the evening, and then proceeded to quite loudly carry on in a very unbecoming manner in our back yard for all the neighbours to hear......shame, shame, shame!  I'm told that this had already happened once previously, prior to my arrival in Qld.  To his credit, up until Mummy Shirl and I left Qld for new year in Sydney, he seemed to be on his best behaviour.  (I believe that my cousin, Divinia, also spoke firmly to him about his behaviour).

At any rate, we (being Mummy Shirl and I) came back down to Sydney on the 29th December to spend New Years in Sydney, and see my friend KJ who is back in Australia for a visit, and also staying with me for a few days.  My poor little apartment is a little over-crowded with 3 of us here at the moment, but it's great to have such a good and old friend here (even though we've bordered on our first argument in years.........we used to argue on an almost hourly basis when we were younger hehe), and my Mother also.

Anyway, Mummy Shirl seems to be slowly relaxing and enjoying a bit of a break from the situation in Queensland.  On Friday, after we arrived in Sydney on Thursday night, I took her for a walk into town, and we ended up at Paddy's Markets and Market City, where she had a bit of a shopping spree, and managed to buy a ridiculous amount of clothing for an absurdly low price, before we came home (and I had a nap) prior to collecting KJ from the airport.  Then KJ caught up with some friends of hers during the day yesterday and Mummy Shirl and I walked through the city again, where she again bought a lot of clothes and such for a pittance, making me wish I was a woman and able to buy so many things for such a small price!

I had organised tickets to Garden Island for the three of us for the NYE fireworks last night, and Mumsy seemed to thoroughly enjoy that, saying that it was the first time in a long time that she'd actually done anything for New Years Eve, so I'm really glad that we were able to do something together for her :)

Mummy Shirl trying on one of her new dresses (which she then gave away to KJ!!!)

KJ a little before the 9pm fireworks. 

New Years Eve Fireworks on Sydney Harbour.

More Fireworks. 

And another picture of Fireworks :) 

KJ also seemed to have a pretty good night, which was great as I thought she seemed a little uncomfortable for a bit amongst my friends with whom we sat.  We had an amazing position right by the fence, and on the Oil Wharf (that Kira and Langers had staked out for us from 3pm), so our view of the fireworks was fantastic, and our view was clear to the Sydney Harbour Bridge and Opera House.

At any rate, the end result of last night was the two of them being quite equipped with drunky-pants, and me having linked arms with Mummy Shirl, who also linked arms with KJ, and I struggled to managed them both in a straight walking line from the island to Harry's Cafe De Wheels, where the two of them somehow managed to be involved in getting us a taxi home (in a matter of minutes, no less!).....unheard of on NYE after midnight!!!

Despite my being a bit cranky about having to steer the staggering duo through the NYE hordes to where we caught the cab, it was a truly enjoyable night that saw us catching up with several other friends of mine, which was great, and being in bed by 2am.  Of note, last night was the last major trial in my year of sobriety, and I had no problems in keeping to my "no drinking" plan, despite many people attempting to convince me that I should drink.

I know that people are trying to include me in the fun by offering me booze and suggesting that I should just have a couple of drinks, but I sometimes wonder why anyone would try to undermine my conviction in doing this simple thing.  At any rate, I'm glad that my friends want me to be on the same level as them when they're having fun, and even more so that (though I still haven't made a decision one way or the other as to whether or not I'll start drinking again on Feb 15) I only have a month and a half of my self imposed sobriety left.

Interestingly enough, something must have affected me last night (maybe how cranky I was at having to deal with guiding my two drunk house-guests through the massive, and painful, crowds as we left Garden Island???), as I then dreamt that I had actually drunk some alcohol last night, and while I don't remember the details of the dream, apart from that the drinking happened with the people that I was with last night (and I specifically remember my friend Lizzy dancing around with a champagne bottle in the dream haha), I remember that there was a great deal of guilt in letting myself down by drinking before Feb 15.

Today, I managed to kill two birds with one stone, being to tick one more of the items off my sober list, and also take Mummy Shirl to a tourist attraction for a nice change.  We went for a wander into the city and went up Centrepoint Tower to the observation deck, to enjoy the views, and a little spot of lunch.  It's been so long since I last went out there that I'd forgotten exactly how breathtaking the views are around Sydney, to the coast and inland to the western suburbs.

Mummy Shirl and I as we started our walk, in front of the ANZAC Memorial in Hyde Park.  Possibly not the best picture of the two of us haha.

Mummy Shirl by the fountain at the St James end of Hyde Park. 

View of Sydney Harbour from Centrepoint Tower Sydney. 

View of Hyde Park and the Inner Suburbs (Darlinghurst/Surry Hills) from Centrepoint Tower Sydney. 

Mummy Shirl in Centrepoint Tower's Observation Deck. 

Mummy Shirl and I on the Observation Deck of Centrepoint Tower. 

We then strolled through Hyde Park and into St Mary's Cathedral for a look.  I do so enjoy taking people to that cathedral, it's so beautiful within, and helps you to understand how much solace people take from the grandeur of such religious buildings.

Well, tomorrow is my 37th birthday, and to celebrate, I'm having a couple of friends and Mummy Shirl join me for a picnic in the Royal Botanic Gardens for a little picnic in the afternoon.  Thankfully the weather forecast is looking good, and I'm glad to be able to celebrate in one of my favourite places in Sydney.  I think I'd live in the Gardens if it where possible (and more comfortable for sleeping!).

Well, that's the end of today's diary entry.  I hope that you have all had an amazing Christmas, and that 2012 brings you all happiness and health.

Take Care Friends.

Howie..