Wednesday 15th February 2012 - 1 Year!

G'day Friends,

Well, my year of sobriety is over! I have now completed 365 days without drinking alcohol and I must say that I'm pretty proud of myself.

In hindsight, what have I achieved with this year?.....let's make a list (with thanks to the people who've joined me)

I have......

1) gone a year without drinking
2) given up smoking
3) seen the temples of a few religions (Buddhist, Hindu and Islam)
4) Ridden my bike for a 60km round trip from Sembawang to Sentosa Island and back (thanks Macca)
5) (this one's for the navy folk) done an entire 3 month stay in Singapore without going to 4 floors!
6) Begun volunteering for St Vincent de Paul's Redfern Task Force
7) Struck up a friendship within the Compeer Friendship/Mentoring program for people with some form of mental illness
8) Signed up for the Benevolent Society's Community Care and the Mater's LinkAGE programs, to improve the lives of the elderly
9) Been promoted (which I'm sure is due in at least some part to not drinking)
10) Adopted a dog
11) Written some poems (something I haven't done for years)
12) Walked from Sydney to Cronulla
13) Visited Marina Bay Sands' Sky Park (Thanks Macca)
14) Waxed my whole body from the neck down (what was I thinking! - Thanks for the idea Kath)
15) Finger painted a picture of Sydney Harbour
16) Gone ice-skating (Cheers Renee, Nicole and Matt)
17) Learnt (a little bit of) French
18) Gone bush walking in the Blue Mountains (Thanks Nicole)
19) Sketched a self-portrait
20) Spent 24hrs without speaking or seeing anything
21) Visited Newcastle for a day
22) Visited Melbourne for a weekend (Thanks Casey, Nicole and Jean)
23) Been to Singapore's Botanic gardens, Chinese Gardens and Japanese Gardens
24) Visited Juron Bird Park (Thanks Macca)
25) Taken a photo of the old man who dances with such gusto in Clarke Quay on Saturday nights
26) Visited and taken photos from Sydney's Centrepoint Tower (Thanks Mum)
27) Spent an afternoon at Luna Park (Thanks Sarah)

I have also managed to set an example for my friend Jane and my little brother Alex, both of whom have already, or are about to, embark on a year of sobriety of their own.

I've been able to wake up every morning feeling great, and hopefully that good feeling has rubbed off on a few of the people around me.

I have been able to see how little I need alcohol in my life, and understand, that while I do (or at least, used to) enjoy alcohol, not having it in my life has made a vast and positive difference.

I've been able to see myself clearly, without deflecting from my own doubts with alcohol, to see who I really am, and realise that I truly like him.  I realise that I have failings, but that so does everyone, and the fact that I have them means that I'm human (just like everybody else), and gives me something to work on in order to improve myself.

All in all, I'm probably happier with having successfully completed this year than I am with any other achievement of my life.  Not getting into the Navy, nor having my first poem published in the paper; not buying my first home, nor being promoted compares to the satisfaction I feel today :)

Well, I think I may have bored you all to death! I'll sign off for now, as Suzie needs a walk, and Howie needs a sleep after last night.  Thanks to all of you who supported me throughout the last 12 months, either with moral support or coming along on my various adventures.  I hope that you are all having a great 2012 and for those of you who are worried about missing my regular (ish) diary entries, fear not! I'll be posting here for a long while yet........because I love the attention :)

Have a great day Friends :)

Howie..

Sunday 12th February 2012 - Day 262

G'day Friends,

Well, it's almost been a year since I quit smoking and took a 12 month hiatas from drinking.

I'm pleased to say that with only 3 days of my self-imposed sobriety to go, I have not knowlingly consumed any form of alcoholic beverate since the very early hours of the morning of 15 February 2011.  I'll grant that I have drunk a few Lemon, Lime and Bitters over the year, but the small amount of bitters (which contains alcohol) in the drinks doesn't count, as you would need to drink about 50 glasses of it to get the same effect as an glass of wine.

I'm also very pleased to mention that I haven't had a cigarette in that whole time (although being around my Mother and some of my friends, I'm probably imhaling just as much smoke as if I were to have one haha).  It's a good feeling to know that I've given up smoking, and successfully completed my year of sobriety (this coming Wednesday), although I must admit that I'm getting a little bit nervous about smoking once I start drinking.

Having organised drinks at a pub just near my building, I see myself more than likely getting fairly drunk, and there's just a small nagging doubt about whether or not I'll keep from smoking when I do.  I'm pretty sure I should be fine, but I'm sure most of you know what I mean with the idea of a small nagging doubt.

Well, my weekend has consisted of working day shifts, and going to my friend Jodie's birthday last night.  She had drinks at the Burdekin Hotel, which (despite having to line up for 30 minutes to get into) wasn't too bad at all.  I think Christina and I walked back to our street at around midnight, so it wasn't a terribly late night, but the red bull that I drank there made for poor quality sleep and I felt a little dusty when I woke up this morning!

Ok, moving along, It's Sunday night and my watch's 24hrs off (between day shifts and night shifts), so I'm trying to stay up as late as possible so that I can sleep well tomorrow before keeping our first night shift.

Life is going well at work, and I'm liking the people on my new watch.  They all seem quite fresh and the watch runs smoothly, which is always good.

Suzie is going well, although I'm getting frustrated with trying to get her to be obedient when we are walking in the streets.  I'm sure she'll learn after a while, and thankfully a friend trains dogs for a living, so will be able to help me out with ideas :).  Regardless, she's a pretty good dog, although has some idiosyncracies that I'll need to break in the short term (like, now that she's found her voice, barking at noises outside of the apartment....which is a little bit indearing.....but more than likely annoying to my neighbours if she's doing it while I'm out!).

Another of my favourites is coming into the apartment to find her on the sofa.  I'm trying to spend time sitting with her on the floor, so that hopefully she will realise that the furniture isn't for her....and save me having to rouse on her.

All in all though she's such a great little dog and I'm really glad that I got her :)  It's nice to come home and have her look happy to see me, and show interest in what I'm doing as I potter around the house.

Sadly, I think she may be allergic to either her food, or something else in the house, because she keeps licking herself almost raw, the poor thing.  (for those who are worried, I'll be changing out her wet food, to see if it's that, then her dry food, and then if they don't work, I'll chat to the vet about what else it could be.

Speaking of the vet, Suzie seems to be getting much better at walking.  We generally go for a 20-30 min walk around the dog park in the morning, and a 45min walk in the evening.  Which she seems to cope very well with.  It's good to think that she's getting enough exercise, as I often wonder if all the dog owners in the park actually walk their dogs around to give them good solid exercise, or if they just take them to the park and consider a little romp in the park to be enough.  I think that walking is important for them, and the few web sites that I've read, also speak of it's importance.

Well, I haven't come anywhere near to completing the sobriety list that I made up, so I think I'll just progressively keep going with it, as I have time, until I have completed the whole thing.  I'll keep posting to this blog also, though I might have to change the precepts of it to "Online Diary", which is pretty much what it's become for me.

Well, on that note, I think I'll sign off for the night.  Take care friends, and I hope that you all have a great week.

Cheers,

Howie..

Friday 10th February 2012 - Day 260

G'day Friends,

Well this will be a fairly short diary entry, as I am on day shifts today, and this weekend, so there is not a great deal to report.

I joined my new watch (shift team) today, who all seem to be really good value, and they all seem to get along quite well, which should make managing them a whole lot easier.

Suzie didn't seem too perplexed about spending her first day in the house by herself today, which was great, although I think she had a visitor being someone who came to do some (extremely dodgy) repair work on my living room ceiling today.  While I'm sure they made Suzie's day more interesting, they made my day more frustrating.

Moving along, my days are a little longer now that I have Suzie to look after.  I am waking at 4am on the days that I work day shifts, so that I can take Suzie for a walk and toilet break in the morning before I get ready and head off for work.  Then I'm taking her for a wander again in the evening.

I fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon just after I'd fed Suzie (my first 4am rise....only half an hour earlier than I'd normally rise on a day shift, but still noticeable!), and I guess she thought that I was going to forget to take her for a walk, so she barked at me to wake me up, just in time for a 45min walk before it got too dark out.

Well, being that I need to get up at 4am tomorrow morning also, and it's nearly 9pm now, I'd best sign off.  I hope you all find some fun and have a great weekend, Friends,

Howie..

Thursday 9th February 2012 - Day 359 - Compeer Friendship

G'day Friends,

Well, it's less than a week to go of my year of sobriety, and I've got to say that in hindsight I've really enjoyed the year of not drinking.  While I've come nowhere near to completing the 60(ish) items on my sobriety list, I've done so many things that I wouldn't have considered doing if I'd been spending my weekends and spare time hung over, and I'm glad of that.

Today saw the completion of the precursors to my Compeer friendship, which (for anyone who isn't aware) is a friendship/mentoring program for people with (or recovering from) some form of mental illness.

After meeting Cliff (my Compeer friend) on Monday, we had our first social outing today, which consisted of meeting up at Town Hall station, grabbing a coffee from Gloria Jeans, and then (doing what I do best) going for a walk around the parks and gardens of the city, followed by Cliff showing me the alphabet in sign language (which I have since forgotten the vast majority of haha).

I did have on my original sobriety list to become involved in the big brother mentoring program, but I'll count this as covering that item, as it's much the same concept.

I'm pretty happy that I'm (hopefully) having a positive impact on someone's life, and can only hope that Cliff is taking something away from our friendship.

Amusingly enough, I made my facebook status something about going on a 'date' with my Compeer friend Cliff, which yielded a phone call from my older brother who was concerned that I was going on a romantic date with a man! God bless him :)  Surely he realises by now that I consider romance the domain of those who are uncomfortable with their own company :P

Well, on a home note, my new (but old) dog Suzie is definitely finding her comfort zone in my home now.  She's quite happy wandering around by herself now (as I noticed while I was trying to get to sleep last night :) ), and even managed to find her voice to bark at something out the window this morning (making me nearly jump out of my skin, as I wasn't expecting her to bark!)

I also had the vet come by today to check her out and she confirmed that Suzie has a bit of arthritis in her hind legs, and has put her on a course of 4 weekly injections, which apparently works on 2/3 of arthritic dogs, so fingers crossed it works on Suzie.

She is also in need of a good cleaning of her teeth (which would explain her pungent breath), and Romy (the vet) said that she'd do that when she comes next week for the second injection.  Apparently Suzie also has a very mild heart murmur, but Romy said that it was nothing to worry about and we should just monitor it at the moment.

Romy also said that we can do a test to check if Suzie has been treated for heart worm, and treat her if required.

Well, that pretty much covers my day today......well, that and about 6 episodes of Grand Designs, Season 11.  I love that show!

Over the past few days, I've been busy, but relaxed.  I went out to visit my friend Claws yesterday morning for an hour or so.  I actually spent more time on the train, to and from Ingleburn, than I did visiting, but I was meant to have my catch up with Cliff yesterday, so thought that I had to be back in town in time for that.

Tuesday consisted of me trying to get Suzie used to her new home, and totally forgetting about a pre-planned lunch date with my friend Freya........apparently I forgot to set a reminder in my phone's diary, and therefore was completely unaware of my failing until I found the missed call on my phone from the lady in question!

Well, that's about the bulk of my news for now friends.  I'm back at work tomorrow, and have the pleasure of joining a new watch, so that should be fun.  I hope you all have a great weekend :)

Howie..

Monday 6th February 2012 - Day 356 - Suzie, Cliff and the Redfern Task Force

Hi Friends,

Well, today felt like a day that I achieved a lot.  I started the day by sleeping through my alarm, and waking up about 25min before I was due to pick up my hire care (hired for the purpose of collecting Suzie).  Thankfully I only had to walk about 200m to pick the car up, and as it turned out, I had to wait for the guy to open up the shop anyway, as it appeared that he was 45min late to work.

Then (like a fool), I didn't take the $17 for all the tolls you can handle deal, not realise that I'd be crossing more than one toll, which unfortunately (after passing 4 tolls at $15 each), led to my car rental doubling in cost!  I really should have just booked a share car for 3hrs like I'd originally planned!

At any rate, after a little bit of fun, and if a little flustered, I arrived in Plumpton (a suburb of which, prior to today, I had remained blissfully unaware) to collect my new fluffy white friend.  After the business was sorted with Donna (an animal fosterer who clearly loves dogs of all kinds), I made the trek back into the city with my new lady-of-the-house, dropped the car off and then spent a few hours trying to settle her in to my apartment.

I pud down a big old cushion for her to sit on, and from that point (about 5 minutes after we got home) until some hours later, she didn't move from that cushion.

I then had to head to Wollahra for the final meeting for my Compeer friendship, this one including myself, Cliff (my Compeer friend), Nina (Cliff's healthcare professional) and Amy the Compeer trainer/co-ordinator.

It turned out that Cliff was sitting in the waiting room as Amy and I arrived and stuck up a conversation straight away.  He seems like a nice, affable fellow, and I think that our friendship is going to work out well.  Obviously it was a little bit awkward being the first meeting, but all in all, I think that it went pretty well.  I hope that I can have a really positive impact on his life, even if it's only to give him something to look forward to each week, and a stroll in the park.

At any rate, I came home after the meeting to make sure Suzie was ok, and to try to take her to the park, only to realise that I didn't have a leash for her, so after a quick run to the pet store at Market City (who failed spectacularly at having anything resembling an acceptable harness in the right size for Suzie, that didn't also look utterly revolting, in such a way that the Suzie would surely have been teased by all the other dogs in the dog park!), so I ended up having to cut my losses and just grab a generic leash to tack onto her collar until I can find a suitable harness/leash.  On the up side, they did manage to stock brushes, and double whammy, I remembered to buy one, so we spent a couple of hours brushing Suzie's freshly cleaned coat.

Realising that I had an hour spare, I took Suzie down to the dog park beside my building,and she walked quite comfortably (though  little slowly) there (a total of about 30m), had a brief walk on the grass, did a little wee and then I decided to take the leash off her so that she could run around a bit.  She did not run around about. She did start to walk back in the direction from which we'd come haha.

So I brought her to the grass again for a couple of minutes (which appeared not to appeal to her at all), before we walked back home.

Afterwards I had to go to my volunteer work for the Redfern Task Force (which was great by the way....the people we helped out tonight were all really decent people, and so grateful for the help from St Vinnies), and when I got home, Suzie had moved from the cushion (where I'd left her) and was parked on the rug near the door.  I like to kid myself that she was missing me and waiting for my return, but I don't think this is the case just yet.

So then we played the coat brushing game for a bit longer, and then watched a bit of telly, during which I picked her up and let her sit on my lap.  At one point, she pushed herself from sitting with her front half on my lap, to sitting with her back legs on my lap, and seemed to have a lot of trouble doing this.  Since then, I've noticed a lot that she has very little strength in her back legs, so I think I might have to keep an eye on her and make sure this isn't anything to concerning!!!  She's not even 8 years old, so she shouldn't have her legs giving out on her yet!  Oh well, I guess I'll monitor and see.....if it's noticeably bad in the morning, I'll have to take her to the vet to get checked out.

At any rate, we then watched some telly for a while, and while she had eaten nearly nothing all day, I decided that I'd have a peanut butter and chocolate chip biscuit that I'd made a batch of on Saturday, and I offered her a piece.  She ate it in seconds, and then a few more little morsels.  Thankfully this must have served as an appetiser, as I put her by her food afterwards and she at least ate a little bit.

Bless her, she's now parked herself back on her cushion and is fast asleep.  Welcome home Suzie :)

OK, so that's pretty much my day in detail.  I think the only details that I left out were Suzie graciously showing me what she'd had for breakfast before I picked her up (and leaving it sitting on the rug for me.....thank god it's an ugly rug anyway), and Suzie appearing scared of the stairs, but then managing to make it down them (with me hovering over her....just in case).

Ok Friends, I hope you're all having a great start to your working weeks, and that life is as good for you as it is for me :)

Take care,

Howie..

ps:  here's a picture of Suzie asleep on her cushion and blanket about 2 minutes ago :)  It's a hard-knock life!

Sunday 5th February 2012 - Day 355 - Adopting Suzie

G'day Friends,

Well, today was a great day, that consisted of me getting to sleep at about 2am (cursed nap yesterday afternoon), and then waking up just a little before 8am this morning.

I started the day with a 5km run down to Mrs MacQarie's Point and back, and then made myself a breakfast off fried eggs on toasted home-made bread. 

I'd not long finished breakfast, showered and was relaxing on the sofa, when Casey messaged me to see if I wanted to go for a bit of exercise in the park, so we went for a walk down through the domain and Art Gallery, along the western side of Woolloomooloo Bay, around Mrs MacQuarie's Point, then through the Gardens before heading back home via the Art Gallery gates.

I then came home for lunch, followed by receiving a call from Donna who told me that Suzie, the 7yo Bichon Frise that I had enquired about, had already been promised to some people, but that they were not answering the messages that she had left for them.  Donna told me that if she didn't hear back from them by tonight, then she'd call and let me know that I could take Suzie.  She wasn't willing to have Suzie miss out on coming to my home as well, if these people had decided not to take her.

So after a well deserved hour and a half of napping, and a good old chat to Mum, I was just in the process of finishing my dinner and watching Grand Designs, when my phone rang, and it was Donna calling to say that I was going to be Suzie's new Dad :).

I've hired a car and will be going to pick her up tomorrow morning :)  I'm so excited about taking her in, and it means that I get the Bichon Frise that I wanted, and she gets a stable home :).

Well, that's about my news for the day.  Tomorrow should be a great day as, in addition to collecting Suzie, I meet my Compeer friend for the first time, with his social worker and Amy, the Compeer co-ordinator, then I help out with the Redfern Task Force tomorrow evening.  Such a busy day, but a productive one, so I'm pretty excited about it in all.

Ok, I'll sign off for now.  I hope you've all had a great weekend :)

Howie..

Saturday 4th February 2012 - Day 354 - A Week And A Half Left

G'day Friends,

Well, over the last month, I've been quite busy, but content.  I finished the last week and a half of my leave catching up with friends, and then returned to work on the 19th Jan, which was also the effective date of my promotion.

My new job is pretty good, and a whole lot more relaxed than being at sea, so I'm enjoying it so far, though I haven't actually been instructed or trained in the specifics of what I'm meant to do, so am hoping that I'm picking up enough of it as I'm going to get me through.

The best part about the new role (and the shore posting), is the shift working routine of (roughly) 5 days on/5 days off.  I'm loving an extra long weekend every time I finish my working week :)

Ok, so I still haven't picked up a cigarette, and I'm quite happily still alcohol free.  So here's the thing.  I have spent the whole year, getting myself ready to drink again, and now that it's almost time to drink again.......I don't think I really want to.  I have been arguing with myself about whether or not I'm going to drink again, off and on, for the whole year, and this is the conclusion that I've come to:  I've come to no conclusion.

It occurs to me that I am quite comfortably living without alcohol, but the thought of saying that I'll cut it completely out of my life is mildly horrifying!  Strangely enough, Rachel Gunn if you're reading this, this afternoon, when I considered the option of formally giving up drinking for good, the horror struck with an image of having a glass of wine with you, and a fear of not being able to do so!  Funny really given that alcohol was never a part of our friendship.

At any rate, I'm leaning towards giving myself a month of drinking, so that I can catch up with everyone for a drink or two, and then quitting drinking at least for the most part.  Perhaps I'll allow myself to drink on special occasions like catching up with people I haven't seen in a long time, New Years, and my birthday.  I'll have to hammer out the fine print on that one later (when I'm not quaking in fear at the thought!), but I foresee that alcohol will not play nearly as large a part in my life as it did before I took this hiatus.

Well, onto other news in my world, I have decided to get a little dog.  I had decided on a Bichon Frise, but having looked at the website http://petrescue.com.au/, there are so many animals that need homes, that I think I might have to choose a different breed.  At the moment, I've narrowed my hunt down to:

1) a 5 year old male Bichon Frise, called Christian, in Qld that belongs to a woman who breeds them and seems to really care about her Bichons, and that they go to good homes.  Kerry, the breeder's description of the dog makes him sound like he would fit my lifestyle perfectly.  On a slight tangent, if I end up buying a Bichon Frise from a breeder, be it puppy or adult dog, I think I will go through this woman. Through a couple of emails that we've sent back and forth, she gives me the impression that she actually cares about her dogs, and that they are important to her, not just as a means of an income or as winning show dogs, but as part of her family, so if you're in the market for a Bichon Frise have a look at her website. (http://www.bichonsbrisbane.com/).  Christian is at this link http://www.dogzonline.com.au/breeds/breeders/mature.asp?mat=CUPIDONNA&b=250

2) a 7 year old female Bichon Frise, called Suzie, who was surrendered in Western Sydney because her owner was too old to take proper care of her.  She sounds like a very low maintanence dog, and I feel like I could give her a good home.  This dog has inspired the Mother Theresa Syndrome in me.  http://www.petrescue.com.au/view/142209

3) a 14 month old male Poodle X Maltese dog who has been listed on PetRescue.com.au since the 18th of July last year.  This poor dog was apparently left tied up at a train station around the city! Reading between the lines, I get the feeling this dog might be high maintenance, and given that Maltese can be yappy dogs, I'd imagine that this is probably causing many people issues with taking him, but I'm going to check him out in the next few days just in case.  Unfortunately, like a lot of people, I can't have a noisy dog in my apartment, but the poor little fellow has been waiting a while for a good home, so it's worth seeing if I can help him out. http://www.petrescue.com.au/view/115995

4) Jasmine, a 2 year old female Terrier Cross-Breed who was left behind when her owners moved on.  She looks like a beautiful dog and the description of her makes her sound awesome fun.  I'm waiting to hear back from the rescuers about seeing her.  http://www.petrescue.com.au/view/117576

5) Roxy - A white 14month old small Cross-Breed dog who is partly deaf.  She looks like a great dog also, and could be a great little running partner. http://www.petrescue.com.au/view/133885

6) Last but not least is Frankie, a 3yo Chihuahua, who I'm guessing is being housed by someone who can't look after him anymore as they have advertised him as desperately in need of a Foster home, which I am considering answering the call for.  He sounds very relaxed, and even though I don't personally want a Chihuahua, it couldn't hurt to give him temporary home here until someone does want to take him forever!  http://www.petrescue.com.au/view/141530

You may be wondering that I put in a description for all of them, but I suppose I'm hoping that some of the people reading this blog might be able to take in some of the dogs, as I can only take one, and they've all caught me wanting to look after them for various reasons: some being selfish reasons (like Christian fitting in with my jogging/walking routine, and then being a loyal pet), and others being less selfish, like Franky or Jasmine.  At any rate, if anyone in NSW is looking for a pet, consider one of these, or any of the animals at http://www.petrescue.com.au/

At any rate, if anyone wants to help me choose between these awesome animals to become my surrogate child, leave a comment, or hit me up on facebook :)

Completely off topic, I have noticed that my friend Ally has been updating her status with things that she's grateful for lately, and it occurs to me that it's such a good idea, so I've stolen the idea and am running with it.  I get the impression from Ally that once she started doing it it took off amongst her facebook friends like wildfire.  Within about an hour of me posting that I was going to steal the idea from Ally, and that today I'm grateful for having an awesome family who love me, I noticed that my beautiful cousin Kellie had posted a gratitude status also.  I'm so happy that I can have been the conduit for that to (hopefully) spread through her friends also.  I think that it's important to appreciate what you do have, rather than wanting for things that you don't have.  It's fine to have dreams, but not at the expense of all the great things in your life, and we all have a lot of positives in our lives....it's just a matter of recognising them, rather than taking them for granted.

Well Friends, as always thanks for reading my glorified and exhibitionist diary entry :) I hope you're all having a great weekend :)

Cheers,

Howie..

PS:  I forgot to mention that I've been placed on the March course for Mater's LinkAGE program, which is a program aimed at social visits to the elderly in various aged care facilities, so I'm very excited about being able to complete that training and then lend a hand in that program.

I have also finished all the pre-cursors to striking up my friendship in the Compeer program and I meed my Compeer Friend for the first meeting (with his Healthcare Professional and Amy the lady that co-ordinates the program) on Monday afternoon.  I'm really excited about it, and I hope that it all goes well.  I really look forward to having a positive impact on someone, even if it's only through giving him a bit of an outing each week for coffee or a walk!

Have a great weekend Friends :)

H..

2nd January 2012 - Day 322 - Ingratitude

G'day Friends,

Today was my 37th birthday, and that has paled in comparison to the lesson that I've learned today, and will hopefully be able to keep in the front of my mind.

Today, after my mother went to the supermarket to buy a few things for my birthday picnic, and struggled most of the way home before I finally made it out to help her carry the groceries home (she'd called me from 4 blocks away), she had bought vastly more than I'd imagined that she would, including a cake in the shape of a puppy dog for my birthday, party hats and balloons.

Not even realising how selfish I was being I decided that we weren't taking the cake to the picnic because it would be too much drama to carry down.  I was feeling a little bit annoyed that she'd attempted to hijack my simple picnic with a cake and such, making it far more formal than I had planned, and making me feel a little bit awkward.

Then, while we were there, she wanted us to have balloons and party hats, and I was completely set against it, refusing to blow up balloons or wear the hats, thinking that this was a silly thing to do.

Then after we came home to my apartment, we had a bit of a chat, and after a mild disagreement Mum melted some chocolate that was in the fridge and dipped some strawberries in it for me.  The chocolate didn't work very well having been melted in the microwave, so I refused any more than one, also being a little bit cranky still.

A little while afterward, Mum was really upset and said, "nothing I do is right is it?".  She wasn't trying to martyr herself, she actually felt that she couldn't do anything right for me, when in fact I am the one doing the wrong thing in not appreciating what she does do for me!

I can't believe what a complete arse I've made of myself! Here she went out of her way, spending money on her credit card to buy me extra food for my birthday picnic, and a birthday cake, and I couldn't even see my way to find the gratitude to take the cake to my picnic.  Then she tries to make my birthday a little bit of fun, and I crush her spirit with an "I'm too mature for this stuff" attitude, and finally, she tries to do something simple and nice with the strawberries, and instead of enjoying the generosity of the act, I complain about the quality of the chocolate! What a douche-bag.  How could I not see each of this things for the generous action that it was, and instead find the inconvenience in it!

But, something good comes from every situation, and on this occasion I have been shown exactly how callous I've become towards one of the people that I love the most, and how ungrateful I have become to all of the little things that my friends and family do for me.  At least now that I'm aware of it, I can try to focus on the little things that people do for me, and appreciate them, rather than taking all the love that is handed to me for granted and treating those people with the contempt that I feel I have been.

I hope that 2012 can be a year in which I transform myself into a much better person, and one that makes the people around me feel appreciated and loved.

Well, that's about all I have to say for today, everything else is a little unimportant compared to this personal realisation, so I'll sign off for now and I hope that you are all enjoying your new year, and that you can take from this at least a little more appreciation for the people in your own lives to whom you might not show the appreciation that they deserve.

Cheers,

Howie..

1st January 2012 - Day 321 - New Years Day, the last day of 36 and Centrepoint Tower

G'day Friends,

Well, another year has begun, which means that it is the last day of me being 36 years old.  It's been a great festive season in my world.  Since my last post, I've been to Queensland for Christmas with my Mother, older Brother and his 2 sons, my Cousin and her partner and son and the pets.

I headed to our house in Toogoom, Qld on the 19th December, and arrived to a very stressed Mummy Shirl, not coping very well at all with having to share her home (which has been her domain, and hers alone, for over a decade).  While in some ways, I'm certain that she enjoys having my brother Gaz and his boys there, in most ways, I think it's causing her so much stress that she's in a virtual perpetual bad mood, and making life difficult for both her and my brother and his boys......throw into that mix my cousin Div, her partner and their extremely demanding and under-disciplined 8yo son, and you can imagine how that's working out!

On the up side, we did manage to have a very nice family Christmas.  The kids seemed to enjoy the day, and the adult kids seemed to have a fairly decent day also, which is what Christmas should be about.  In the modern standard (ie: mildly dysfunctional) family, I think that the minor bickering that we had on the day was pretty well kept to a minimum, and we all had a reasonably good day.  Here are a few pictures from the visit to Toogoom/Christmas.

Toogoom Beach (tide out)

Gary, Mark

Kane, Divinia, Mummy Shirl,

Josh and Shane

on Christmas Morning :) 

Kane, Div, Gaz & Mum on Christmas morning 

Gaz, Div, Merrie-Ann and Mum on Boxing Day 

Sunset over the Lake (as viewed from our back yard in Toogoom, Qld) 

Ego the cat, sleeping off Christmas Lunch. 

Sailor the papillon on Boxing Day. 

Negative mention to my cousin's partner who got far too drunk, got into an argument with Mummy Shirl later in the evening, and then proceeded to quite loudly carry on in a very unbecoming manner in our back yard for all the neighbours to hear......shame, shame, shame!  I'm told that this had already happened once previously, prior to my arrival in Qld.  To his credit, up until Mummy Shirl and I left Qld for new year in Sydney, he seemed to be on his best behaviour.  (I believe that my cousin, Divinia, also spoke firmly to him about his behaviour).

At any rate, we (being Mummy Shirl and I) came back down to Sydney on the 29th December to spend New Years in Sydney, and see my friend KJ who is back in Australia for a visit, and also staying with me for a few days.  My poor little apartment is a little over-crowded with 3 of us here at the moment, but it's great to have such a good and old friend here (even though we've bordered on our first argument in years.........we used to argue on an almost hourly basis when we were younger hehe), and my Mother also.

Anyway, Mummy Shirl seems to be slowly relaxing and enjoying a bit of a break from the situation in Queensland.  On Friday, after we arrived in Sydney on Thursday night, I took her for a walk into town, and we ended up at Paddy's Markets and Market City, where she had a bit of a shopping spree, and managed to buy a ridiculous amount of clothing for an absurdly low price, before we came home (and I had a nap) prior to collecting KJ from the airport.  Then KJ caught up with some friends of hers during the day yesterday and Mummy Shirl and I walked through the city again, where she again bought a lot of clothes and such for a pittance, making me wish I was a woman and able to buy so many things for such a small price!

I had organised tickets to Garden Island for the three of us for the NYE fireworks last night, and Mumsy seemed to thoroughly enjoy that, saying that it was the first time in a long time that she'd actually done anything for New Years Eve, so I'm really glad that we were able to do something together for her :)

Mummy Shirl trying on one of her new dresses (which she then gave away to KJ!!!)

KJ a little before the 9pm fireworks. 

New Years Eve Fireworks on Sydney Harbour.

More Fireworks. 

And another picture of Fireworks :) 

KJ also seemed to have a pretty good night, which was great as I thought she seemed a little uncomfortable for a bit amongst my friends with whom we sat.  We had an amazing position right by the fence, and on the Oil Wharf (that Kira and Langers had staked out for us from 3pm), so our view of the fireworks was fantastic, and our view was clear to the Sydney Harbour Bridge and Opera House.

At any rate, the end result of last night was the two of them being quite equipped with drunky-pants, and me having linked arms with Mummy Shirl, who also linked arms with KJ, and I struggled to managed them both in a straight walking line from the island to Harry's Cafe De Wheels, where the two of them somehow managed to be involved in getting us a taxi home (in a matter of minutes, no less!).....unheard of on NYE after midnight!!!

Despite my being a bit cranky about having to steer the staggering duo through the NYE hordes to where we caught the cab, it was a truly enjoyable night that saw us catching up with several other friends of mine, which was great, and being in bed by 2am.  Of note, last night was the last major trial in my year of sobriety, and I had no problems in keeping to my "no drinking" plan, despite many people attempting to convince me that I should drink.

I know that people are trying to include me in the fun by offering me booze and suggesting that I should just have a couple of drinks, but I sometimes wonder why anyone would try to undermine my conviction in doing this simple thing.  At any rate, I'm glad that my friends want me to be on the same level as them when they're having fun, and even more so that (though I still haven't made a decision one way or the other as to whether or not I'll start drinking again on Feb 15) I only have a month and a half of my self imposed sobriety left.

Interestingly enough, something must have affected me last night (maybe how cranky I was at having to deal with guiding my two drunk house-guests through the massive, and painful, crowds as we left Garden Island???), as I then dreamt that I had actually drunk some alcohol last night, and while I don't remember the details of the dream, apart from that the drinking happened with the people that I was with last night (and I specifically remember my friend Lizzy dancing around with a champagne bottle in the dream haha), I remember that there was a great deal of guilt in letting myself down by drinking before Feb 15.

Today, I managed to kill two birds with one stone, being to tick one more of the items off my sober list, and also take Mummy Shirl to a tourist attraction for a nice change.  We went for a wander into the city and went up Centrepoint Tower to the observation deck, to enjoy the views, and a little spot of lunch.  It's been so long since I last went out there that I'd forgotten exactly how breathtaking the views are around Sydney, to the coast and inland to the western suburbs.

Mummy Shirl and I as we started our walk, in front of the ANZAC Memorial in Hyde Park.  Possibly not the best picture of the two of us haha.

Mummy Shirl by the fountain at the St James end of Hyde Park. 

View of Sydney Harbour from Centrepoint Tower Sydney. 

View of Hyde Park and the Inner Suburbs (Darlinghurst/Surry Hills) from Centrepoint Tower Sydney. 

Mummy Shirl in Centrepoint Tower's Observation Deck. 

Mummy Shirl and I on the Observation Deck of Centrepoint Tower. 

We then strolled through Hyde Park and into St Mary's Cathedral for a look.  I do so enjoy taking people to that cathedral, it's so beautiful within, and helps you to understand how much solace people take from the grandeur of such religious buildings.

Well, tomorrow is my 37th birthday, and to celebrate, I'm having a couple of friends and Mummy Shirl join me for a picnic in the Royal Botanic Gardens for a little picnic in the afternoon.  Thankfully the weather forecast is looking good, and I'm glad to be able to celebrate in one of my favourite places in Sydney.  I think I'd live in the Gardens if it where possible (and more comfortable for sleeping!).

Well, that's the end of today's diary entry.  I hope that you have all had an amazing Christmas, and that 2012 brings you all happiness and health.

Take Care Friends.

Howie..