...perhaps, not so much of a quitter after all......

So.....It's been over a year since I started drinking again, and guess what......I started smoking again also.

That monkey on my back called Nicotine has done a bloody good job of shackling me again.

That aside, there has been much going on in my world.  I was promoted a year ago to Petty Officer (which has been a double-edged sword), I posted ashore for 6 months, before I posted back to sea on HMAS Sydney and went with the ship for an amazing trip to Japan, the Phillipines, Vietnam and Brunei.  This was followed by a stint playing border protection games, a quick visit to Darwin, and finally getting home in late December, just in time to go to Queensland and visit my Mother, Brother and Nephews for Christmas.......time well spent I say.

I remained fairly strongly involved in my volunteer works until my ship sailed from Sydney, but sadly since returning have barely had the time to be involved in them. 

My friend through the Compeer program has gone on a year long holiday through Africa, so I won't be visiting him until his return, but thankfully our friendship seems to be holding up well and I like to think that I am a positive influence to him........then again the truth of human ego is that we like to look at ourselves through rose coloured glasses, so you never know.

Being so short of time has meant that I've been unable to volunteer with St Vinnies since returning to Australia, but I'm hoping to catch up with my friend John, whom I visit through the LinkAGE program this weekend before we go away for a couple of weeks.

Life in general is treating me well, and I sometimes wonder why it does, when so many other worthy people seem to struggle with day to day life.  Now and again, I see people who I think are genuinely wonderful people, and they seem to spend their entire life climbing uphill to achieve the most basic comforts in life.

I wonder if there is such a thing as destiny, or do we all have to be lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and make the right decision........being someone who makes most of my decisions based on whim, I can only assume that fortune is fairly random in her choices of favour, because she's graced me quite a lot and I have to wonder if I really deserve the good lot that I have in life.

Don't misunderstand me......everyone has their trials, but I don't really believe that mine are all that truly taxing......or perhaps it's all based on perspective, being that I don't put that much stock in the negative things that happen or that people might say and do around me......I suppose that if you choose to focus on the negative aspects of your life, then that's all you'll see in your life and you won't be able to move forward, however if you're fortunate enough to have a positive disposition and appreciate the things that life and nature give you, then you will see that as the mainstay of your life and be much happier.

I'm glad that I have that positive disposition, because it makes my life very enjoyable, even with the negatives that come along from time to time.

Ok, I think I might have rambled more than sufficiently for one evening.  I don't really expect anyone to be reading this blog anymore, so I guess it's guilt free rambling haha.

If you guys are still reading, I hope this note finds you happy and with a positive disposition.  If not, then perhaps do something that I used to do.  Each night before you go to sleep, think of 10 things that you are grateful for, things that make you happy (I like to think of my family and friends, my job, my house and so on.....all of these come with some trials, but all are vastly positive influences on my life)......and consider why they are positive.  Then in the morning before you get out of bed, think of a few ways in which you might be able to make someone else's day better, even if it's something as small and simple as saying hello and smiling at the person that everyone else seems to dislike.  I think that if I do something nice for people, then it's making me a better person, and therefore my life is incrementally better.  In addition, you might be making someone else's day that little bit better, and they might in turn have a positive influence on someone else because of it.

Ok, good night friends, have a great day tomorrow.

Cheers,

Howie..

Well,

Wednesday 15th February 2012 - 1 Year!

G'day Friends,

Well, my year of sobriety is over! I have now completed 365 days without drinking alcohol and I must say that I'm pretty proud of myself.

In hindsight, what have I achieved with this year?.....let's make a list (with thanks to the people who've joined me)

I have......

1) gone a year without drinking
2) given up smoking
3) seen the temples of a few religions (Buddhist, Hindu and Islam)
4) Ridden my bike for a 60km round trip from Sembawang to Sentosa Island and back (thanks Macca)
5) (this one's for the navy folk) done an entire 3 month stay in Singapore without going to 4 floors!
6) Begun volunteering for St Vincent de Paul's Redfern Task Force
7) Struck up a friendship within the Compeer Friendship/Mentoring program for people with some form of mental illness
8) Signed up for the Benevolent Society's Community Care and the Mater's LinkAGE programs, to improve the lives of the elderly
9) Been promoted (which I'm sure is due in at least some part to not drinking)
10) Adopted a dog
11) Written some poems (something I haven't done for years)
12) Walked from Sydney to Cronulla
13) Visited Marina Bay Sands' Sky Park (Thanks Macca)
14) Waxed my whole body from the neck down (what was I thinking! - Thanks for the idea Kath)
15) Finger painted a picture of Sydney Harbour
16) Gone ice-skating (Cheers Renee, Nicole and Matt)
17) Learnt (a little bit of) French
18) Gone bush walking in the Blue Mountains (Thanks Nicole)
19) Sketched a self-portrait
20) Spent 24hrs without speaking or seeing anything
21) Visited Newcastle for a day
22) Visited Melbourne for a weekend (Thanks Casey, Nicole and Jean)
23) Been to Singapore's Botanic gardens, Chinese Gardens and Japanese Gardens
24) Visited Juron Bird Park (Thanks Macca)
25) Taken a photo of the old man who dances with such gusto in Clarke Quay on Saturday nights
26) Visited and taken photos from Sydney's Centrepoint Tower (Thanks Mum)
27) Spent an afternoon at Luna Park (Thanks Sarah)

I have also managed to set an example for my friend Jane and my little brother Alex, both of whom have already, or are about to, embark on a year of sobriety of their own.

I've been able to wake up every morning feeling great, and hopefully that good feeling has rubbed off on a few of the people around me.

I have been able to see how little I need alcohol in my life, and understand, that while I do (or at least, used to) enjoy alcohol, not having it in my life has made a vast and positive difference.

I've been able to see myself clearly, without deflecting from my own doubts with alcohol, to see who I really am, and realise that I truly like him.  I realise that I have failings, but that so does everyone, and the fact that I have them means that I'm human (just like everybody else), and gives me something to work on in order to improve myself.

All in all, I'm probably happier with having successfully completed this year than I am with any other achievement of my life.  Not getting into the Navy, nor having my first poem published in the paper; not buying my first home, nor being promoted compares to the satisfaction I feel today :)

Well, I think I may have bored you all to death! I'll sign off for now, as Suzie needs a walk, and Howie needs a sleep after last night.  Thanks to all of you who supported me throughout the last 12 months, either with moral support or coming along on my various adventures.  I hope that you are all having a great 2012 and for those of you who are worried about missing my regular (ish) diary entries, fear not! I'll be posting here for a long while yet........because I love the attention :)

Have a great day Friends :)

Howie..

Sunday 12th February 2012 - Day 262

G'day Friends,

Well, it's almost been a year since I quit smoking and took a 12 month hiatas from drinking.

I'm pleased to say that with only 3 days of my self-imposed sobriety to go, I have not knowlingly consumed any form of alcoholic beverate since the very early hours of the morning of 15 February 2011.  I'll grant that I have drunk a few Lemon, Lime and Bitters over the year, but the small amount of bitters (which contains alcohol) in the drinks doesn't count, as you would need to drink about 50 glasses of it to get the same effect as an glass of wine.

I'm also very pleased to mention that I haven't had a cigarette in that whole time (although being around my Mother and some of my friends, I'm probably imhaling just as much smoke as if I were to have one haha).  It's a good feeling to know that I've given up smoking, and successfully completed my year of sobriety (this coming Wednesday), although I must admit that I'm getting a little bit nervous about smoking once I start drinking.

Having organised drinks at a pub just near my building, I see myself more than likely getting fairly drunk, and there's just a small nagging doubt about whether or not I'll keep from smoking when I do.  I'm pretty sure I should be fine, but I'm sure most of you know what I mean with the idea of a small nagging doubt.

Well, my weekend has consisted of working day shifts, and going to my friend Jodie's birthday last night.  She had drinks at the Burdekin Hotel, which (despite having to line up for 30 minutes to get into) wasn't too bad at all.  I think Christina and I walked back to our street at around midnight, so it wasn't a terribly late night, but the red bull that I drank there made for poor quality sleep and I felt a little dusty when I woke up this morning!

Ok, moving along, It's Sunday night and my watch's 24hrs off (between day shifts and night shifts), so I'm trying to stay up as late as possible so that I can sleep well tomorrow before keeping our first night shift.

Life is going well at work, and I'm liking the people on my new watch.  They all seem quite fresh and the watch runs smoothly, which is always good.

Suzie is going well, although I'm getting frustrated with trying to get her to be obedient when we are walking in the streets.  I'm sure she'll learn after a while, and thankfully a friend trains dogs for a living, so will be able to help me out with ideas :).  Regardless, she's a pretty good dog, although has some idiosyncracies that I'll need to break in the short term (like, now that she's found her voice, barking at noises outside of the apartment....which is a little bit indearing.....but more than likely annoying to my neighbours if she's doing it while I'm out!).

Another of my favourites is coming into the apartment to find her on the sofa.  I'm trying to spend time sitting with her on the floor, so that hopefully she will realise that the furniture isn't for her....and save me having to rouse on her.

All in all though she's such a great little dog and I'm really glad that I got her :)  It's nice to come home and have her look happy to see me, and show interest in what I'm doing as I potter around the house.

Sadly, I think she may be allergic to either her food, or something else in the house, because she keeps licking herself almost raw, the poor thing.  (for those who are worried, I'll be changing out her wet food, to see if it's that, then her dry food, and then if they don't work, I'll chat to the vet about what else it could be.

Speaking of the vet, Suzie seems to be getting much better at walking.  We generally go for a 20-30 min walk around the dog park in the morning, and a 45min walk in the evening.  Which she seems to cope very well with.  It's good to think that she's getting enough exercise, as I often wonder if all the dog owners in the park actually walk their dogs around to give them good solid exercise, or if they just take them to the park and consider a little romp in the park to be enough.  I think that walking is important for them, and the few web sites that I've read, also speak of it's importance.

Well, I haven't come anywhere near to completing the sobriety list that I made up, so I think I'll just progressively keep going with it, as I have time, until I have completed the whole thing.  I'll keep posting to this blog also, though I might have to change the precepts of it to "Online Diary", which is pretty much what it's become for me.

Well, on that note, I think I'll sign off for the night.  Take care friends, and I hope that you all have a great week.

Cheers,

Howie..

Friday 10th February 2012 - Day 260

G'day Friends,

Well this will be a fairly short diary entry, as I am on day shifts today, and this weekend, so there is not a great deal to report.

I joined my new watch (shift team) today, who all seem to be really good value, and they all seem to get along quite well, which should make managing them a whole lot easier.

Suzie didn't seem too perplexed about spending her first day in the house by herself today, which was great, although I think she had a visitor being someone who came to do some (extremely dodgy) repair work on my living room ceiling today.  While I'm sure they made Suzie's day more interesting, they made my day more frustrating.

Moving along, my days are a little longer now that I have Suzie to look after.  I am waking at 4am on the days that I work day shifts, so that I can take Suzie for a walk and toilet break in the morning before I get ready and head off for work.  Then I'm taking her for a wander again in the evening.

I fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon just after I'd fed Suzie (my first 4am rise....only half an hour earlier than I'd normally rise on a day shift, but still noticeable!), and I guess she thought that I was going to forget to take her for a walk, so she barked at me to wake me up, just in time for a 45min walk before it got too dark out.

Well, being that I need to get up at 4am tomorrow morning also, and it's nearly 9pm now, I'd best sign off.  I hope you all find some fun and have a great weekend, Friends,

Howie..

Thursday 9th February 2012 - Day 359 - Compeer Friendship

G'day Friends,

Well, it's less than a week to go of my year of sobriety, and I've got to say that in hindsight I've really enjoyed the year of not drinking.  While I've come nowhere near to completing the 60(ish) items on my sobriety list, I've done so many things that I wouldn't have considered doing if I'd been spending my weekends and spare time hung over, and I'm glad of that.

Today saw the completion of the precursors to my Compeer friendship, which (for anyone who isn't aware) is a friendship/mentoring program for people with (or recovering from) some form of mental illness.

After meeting Cliff (my Compeer friend) on Monday, we had our first social outing today, which consisted of meeting up at Town Hall station, grabbing a coffee from Gloria Jeans, and then (doing what I do best) going for a walk around the parks and gardens of the city, followed by Cliff showing me the alphabet in sign language (which I have since forgotten the vast majority of haha).

I did have on my original sobriety list to become involved in the big brother mentoring program, but I'll count this as covering that item, as it's much the same concept.

I'm pretty happy that I'm (hopefully) having a positive impact on someone's life, and can only hope that Cliff is taking something away from our friendship.

Amusingly enough, I made my facebook status something about going on a 'date' with my Compeer friend Cliff, which yielded a phone call from my older brother who was concerned that I was going on a romantic date with a man! God bless him :)  Surely he realises by now that I consider romance the domain of those who are uncomfortable with their own company :P

Well, on a home note, my new (but old) dog Suzie is definitely finding her comfort zone in my home now.  She's quite happy wandering around by herself now (as I noticed while I was trying to get to sleep last night :) ), and even managed to find her voice to bark at something out the window this morning (making me nearly jump out of my skin, as I wasn't expecting her to bark!)

I also had the vet come by today to check her out and she confirmed that Suzie has a bit of arthritis in her hind legs, and has put her on a course of 4 weekly injections, which apparently works on 2/3 of arthritic dogs, so fingers crossed it works on Suzie.

She is also in need of a good cleaning of her teeth (which would explain her pungent breath), and Romy (the vet) said that she'd do that when she comes next week for the second injection.  Apparently Suzie also has a very mild heart murmur, but Romy said that it was nothing to worry about and we should just monitor it at the moment.

Romy also said that we can do a test to check if Suzie has been treated for heart worm, and treat her if required.

Well, that pretty much covers my day today......well, that and about 6 episodes of Grand Designs, Season 11.  I love that show!

Over the past few days, I've been busy, but relaxed.  I went out to visit my friend Claws yesterday morning for an hour or so.  I actually spent more time on the train, to and from Ingleburn, than I did visiting, but I was meant to have my catch up with Cliff yesterday, so thought that I had to be back in town in time for that.

Tuesday consisted of me trying to get Suzie used to her new home, and totally forgetting about a pre-planned lunch date with my friend Freya........apparently I forgot to set a reminder in my phone's diary, and therefore was completely unaware of my failing until I found the missed call on my phone from the lady in question!

Well, that's about the bulk of my news for now friends.  I'm back at work tomorrow, and have the pleasure of joining a new watch, so that should be fun.  I hope you all have a great weekend :)

Howie..

Monday 6th February 2012 - Day 356 - Suzie, Cliff and the Redfern Task Force

Hi Friends,

Well, today felt like a day that I achieved a lot.  I started the day by sleeping through my alarm, and waking up about 25min before I was due to pick up my hire care (hired for the purpose of collecting Suzie).  Thankfully I only had to walk about 200m to pick the car up, and as it turned out, I had to wait for the guy to open up the shop anyway, as it appeared that he was 45min late to work.

Then (like a fool), I didn't take the $17 for all the tolls you can handle deal, not realise that I'd be crossing more than one toll, which unfortunately (after passing 4 tolls at $15 each), led to my car rental doubling in cost!  I really should have just booked a share car for 3hrs like I'd originally planned!

At any rate, after a little bit of fun, and if a little flustered, I arrived in Plumpton (a suburb of which, prior to today, I had remained blissfully unaware) to collect my new fluffy white friend.  After the business was sorted with Donna (an animal fosterer who clearly loves dogs of all kinds), I made the trek back into the city with my new lady-of-the-house, dropped the car off and then spent a few hours trying to settle her in to my apartment.

I pud down a big old cushion for her to sit on, and from that point (about 5 minutes after we got home) until some hours later, she didn't move from that cushion.

I then had to head to Wollahra for the final meeting for my Compeer friendship, this one including myself, Cliff (my Compeer friend), Nina (Cliff's healthcare professional) and Amy the Compeer trainer/co-ordinator.

It turned out that Cliff was sitting in the waiting room as Amy and I arrived and stuck up a conversation straight away.  He seems like a nice, affable fellow, and I think that our friendship is going to work out well.  Obviously it was a little bit awkward being the first meeting, but all in all, I think that it went pretty well.  I hope that I can have a really positive impact on his life, even if it's only to give him something to look forward to each week, and a stroll in the park.

At any rate, I came home after the meeting to make sure Suzie was ok, and to try to take her to the park, only to realise that I didn't have a leash for her, so after a quick run to the pet store at Market City (who failed spectacularly at having anything resembling an acceptable harness in the right size for Suzie, that didn't also look utterly revolting, in such a way that the Suzie would surely have been teased by all the other dogs in the dog park!), so I ended up having to cut my losses and just grab a generic leash to tack onto her collar until I can find a suitable harness/leash.  On the up side, they did manage to stock brushes, and double whammy, I remembered to buy one, so we spent a couple of hours brushing Suzie's freshly cleaned coat.

Realising that I had an hour spare, I took Suzie down to the dog park beside my building,and she walked quite comfortably (though  little slowly) there (a total of about 30m), had a brief walk on the grass, did a little wee and then I decided to take the leash off her so that she could run around a bit.  She did not run around about. She did start to walk back in the direction from which we'd come haha.

So I brought her to the grass again for a couple of minutes (which appeared not to appeal to her at all), before we walked back home.

Afterwards I had to go to my volunteer work for the Redfern Task Force (which was great by the way....the people we helped out tonight were all really decent people, and so grateful for the help from St Vinnies), and when I got home, Suzie had moved from the cushion (where I'd left her) and was parked on the rug near the door.  I like to kid myself that she was missing me and waiting for my return, but I don't think this is the case just yet.

So then we played the coat brushing game for a bit longer, and then watched a bit of telly, during which I picked her up and let her sit on my lap.  At one point, she pushed herself from sitting with her front half on my lap, to sitting with her back legs on my lap, and seemed to have a lot of trouble doing this.  Since then, I've noticed a lot that she has very little strength in her back legs, so I think I might have to keep an eye on her and make sure this isn't anything to concerning!!!  She's not even 8 years old, so she shouldn't have her legs giving out on her yet!  Oh well, I guess I'll monitor and see.....if it's noticeably bad in the morning, I'll have to take her to the vet to get checked out.

At any rate, we then watched some telly for a while, and while she had eaten nearly nothing all day, I decided that I'd have a peanut butter and chocolate chip biscuit that I'd made a batch of on Saturday, and I offered her a piece.  She ate it in seconds, and then a few more little morsels.  Thankfully this must have served as an appetiser, as I put her by her food afterwards and she at least ate a little bit.

Bless her, she's now parked herself back on her cushion and is fast asleep.  Welcome home Suzie :)

OK, so that's pretty much my day in detail.  I think the only details that I left out were Suzie graciously showing me what she'd had for breakfast before I picked her up (and leaving it sitting on the rug for me.....thank god it's an ugly rug anyway), and Suzie appearing scared of the stairs, but then managing to make it down them (with me hovering over her....just in case).

Ok Friends, I hope you're all having a great start to your working weeks, and that life is as good for you as it is for me :)

Take care,

Howie..

ps:  here's a picture of Suzie asleep on her cushion and blanket about 2 minutes ago :)  It's a hard-knock life!

Sunday 5th February 2012 - Day 355 - Adopting Suzie

G'day Friends,

Well, today was a great day, that consisted of me getting to sleep at about 2am (cursed nap yesterday afternoon), and then waking up just a little before 8am this morning.

I started the day with a 5km run down to Mrs MacQarie's Point and back, and then made myself a breakfast off fried eggs on toasted home-made bread. 

I'd not long finished breakfast, showered and was relaxing on the sofa, when Casey messaged me to see if I wanted to go for a bit of exercise in the park, so we went for a walk down through the domain and Art Gallery, along the western side of Woolloomooloo Bay, around Mrs MacQuarie's Point, then through the Gardens before heading back home via the Art Gallery gates.

I then came home for lunch, followed by receiving a call from Donna who told me that Suzie, the 7yo Bichon Frise that I had enquired about, had already been promised to some people, but that they were not answering the messages that she had left for them.  Donna told me that if she didn't hear back from them by tonight, then she'd call and let me know that I could take Suzie.  She wasn't willing to have Suzie miss out on coming to my home as well, if these people had decided not to take her.

So after a well deserved hour and a half of napping, and a good old chat to Mum, I was just in the process of finishing my dinner and watching Grand Designs, when my phone rang, and it was Donna calling to say that I was going to be Suzie's new Dad :).

I've hired a car and will be going to pick her up tomorrow morning :)  I'm so excited about taking her in, and it means that I get the Bichon Frise that I wanted, and she gets a stable home :).

Well, that's about my news for the day.  Tomorrow should be a great day as, in addition to collecting Suzie, I meet my Compeer friend for the first time, with his social worker and Amy, the Compeer co-ordinator, then I help out with the Redfern Task Force tomorrow evening.  Such a busy day, but a productive one, so I'm pretty excited about it in all.

Ok, I'll sign off for now.  I hope you've all had a great weekend :)

Howie..